Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A little of this, a lot of that
I am aware that it is the natural way of things. How young become old, how little becomes big. How the days turn slowly sometimes, but the big picture is one of perpetual forward motion....time ticking away. As I sat today at Raine's Grade 8 graduation I found myself with some time to myself with no craft project to finish, no phone calls to make, no plans to plan...and I realized that it probably isn't a good thing for me to have too much real quiet time. Why did I find myself close to tears when other peoples kids were accepting their diploma? I am not usually one for happy tears, especially not for children and people that I have never met. And then the truth dawned on me (probably again, but I never seem to remember it) that I am aging along with my girls. I am still figuring myself out. I am coming to terms with the idea that I am on the road to grandmotherhood (not yet mind you) and not new motherhood. How is it that I am the mother of a 14 year who isn't even my eldest child. How does someone who still doesn't know what they want to be when they grow up help their children figure out what they want to be. Is it enough to hope that they pick up on the love and not so much on the making ends meet? There was a whole lot of speaking about figuring out your goals and then striving to reach them...does it count if a mother just wants her children's goals to be happy..is that enough in the world today?
Sheesh, turns out that on this day of celebration, I have a wee bit of a heavy heart. And I feel somewhat overwhelmed. And I love my girls in ways that I am still trying to figure out.